When Winnie Met Paddy
A dialogue exercise written for Black Isle Writers
Paddy: Winnie! Winnie! Over here!
Winnie: Paddy? Jeez – Paddington Bear! Long time no see. How ya doin', bro?
Paddy: Remarkably fine, old chap. I didn't expect to find the great Pooh in London for at least another year. How's Tinseltown?
Winnie: Just crazy. My guys are tyin' up a three-movie deal with Disney so it's no place for a bear who don't wanna grab an AK47 and climb a tall tower. I left the suits to it and took the red-eye back to the old country to chill for a while.
Paddy: Three films? Marvellous. So you've resolved those little problems?
Winnie: Well, ya know the biz. Tigger wants to play Hamlet, Piglet's actin' even weirder than usual and Kanga won't be in the same room with Roo, but I'll bust a few heads if I have to. We start shootin' in the fall when Eeyore's outta rehab.
Paddy: I'm delighted to hear that, old chap. Delighted. There'll be premiere tickets for me and Mrs P, I trust?
Winnie: Sure thing, bro. But look at you – Armani duffel-coat, Gucci suitcase – lookin' very sharp.
Paddy: I certainly can't complain, even after The Talent takes his cut.
Winnie: Goddam authors. They're nothin' without us.
Paddy: As you say, old boy. In fact, I'm just popping over to Television Centre for a script conference on the Christmas special. We're still casting for the narrator too – dear Michael was such a hard act to follow – but the BBC tell me that Johnny Depp is extremely keen.
Winnie: Nice work, bro.
Paddy: Indeed, but not everyone is doing so well.
Winnie: Aw heck. Don't tell me Sooty's back on the juice. What is it with that guy?
Paddy: All guilt. He's not been the same since he fired Matthew. The Corbetts made him, but all he thinks about is the big time in America.
Winnie: Don't tell me about it. “How'd ya do it, Pooh?” he kept askin'. “What's the secret?” Ya can't shut him up when he's full of scotch. “Crazy luck,” I told him. “Forget it. You're better off bein' a big fish in a small pond.” No offence, bro.
Paddy: None taken, old chap.
Winnie: But would he listen? Naw. “Izzy wizzy let's get busy” might go down a storm with the Brits but on the other side of the pond it's a frost. So how'd the broad take it?
Paddy: I regret to say that he and Soo parted three months ago. It was no surprise.
Paddy: Of course. Everyone knew except Sooty.
Winnie: Poor sap. I figure things wadda been a whole lot different if they'd had cubs, but that's pandas for ya. Only interested one day a year and even then nothin' guaranteed.
Paddy: That may be so, but Sweep had no difficulty.
Winnie: The dawg knocked her up? Jeez!
Paddy: Most regrettable. Winnie, it's delightful that our paths crossed but I really must dash. If you'd care to join us tonight, I have assembled the old team to visit our friend in need at his home and offer whatever assistance we can.
Winnie: Sure thing, bro, I'll be there. Us bears gotta stick together. But do me a favour – Yogi, fine; Fozzie, OK; but whatever you do, don't bring that creep Rupert.